God is Metal
Why does the Lord hate hymns? Well, I’m glad you enchoired…God’s preference in music has changed over the years, just like anyone else’s. Why, back in 120 A.D. when he listened to nothing but the birds in the trees, the peerless lyre, and the death throes of gladiators, Hymns were the Devil’s music. Then after he got a little more exposure to them he grew to really appreciate their monotonous droning and lack of harmony. He had a special fondness for the Gregorians. But nowadays his tastes have matured moved on, to more modern, darker tunes– the kind that hearken back to his wild days in the Old Testament. Sure, it’s a bit cheesy and nostalgic, but it beats the hell out of those self-righteous, miserable psalms!